The Sensuality Trap, Balancing Hormonal Agents and the Mind

As I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader wrote in with a dating issue and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to obtain love, and guys utilize love to obtain sex." This is a excellent summation of the "Sex Trap."

The Sex Trap resembles the Love Trap, where songs translate great sex as love. Those who fall into the Sex Trap go even farther since for these singles, having sex brings enormous meaning and effects.

Singles fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of 2 methods:

A.they believe sex is a required test of compatibility, (if the sex readies then the relationship will be good also).

B.more commonly, all awareness goes out the window, and one or both previously level-headed singles consider themselves a dedicated couple as soon as they have sex.
So, instead of looking at whether this other individual may be a match on levels besides physical attraction-- such as long-lasting requirements, needs, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.

No doubt, it can be challenging to keep in touch with truth when all those hormones are running wild. Our body responds to somebody we are attracted to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone click for more ( boosts libido), which makes the opportunity to have sex with someone we are drawn in to exceptionally hard to resist. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts upon the hypothalamus to produce emotions), which makes us feel extremely near to and bonded with our sex partner.

These chemical reactions are strong and uncontrolled , causing effective sensations of destination, excitement, closeness, love, and wellness .

When problems occur, those who fall into the Sex Trap frequently justify by thinking, "Well, we've got problems, however the sex is excellent!" They most likely would not confess it, however they prioritize physical intimacy and concern the rest as optional. Their main scouting tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.

Barry North, an RCI coach who works mainly with gay men, says that numerous of his clients have actually fallen into the Sex Trap.

" For gay guys specifically in urban locations, sex is easily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North says. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be excellent?".

Nonetheless, North adds, "I presume this is a ' person' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to mention that chemistry is essential. Yet, chemistry is a given that we cannot manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it should be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry happen, though often it can grow gradually.

Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry threat relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication wears away and reality hits.

To prevent the Sex Trap, you must stabilize your heart (and hormones) with your head. This suggests combining chemistry with sound judgment. While good sex is important for a sustainable relationship, you require to make your partner options by paying complete attention to your vision, goals, worths, and requirements -- while feeling all those exciting sparks!

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